Flying Cars in India! Really??
What is happening around me??
Oh, that truck is driving in the wrong direction!!
There is a cow sitting in the middle of the road!
Red light? What red light? No matter what the traffic light says for all practical purposes it means it is green!!
What???
Yes!Never in my 40 years of existence in India had I ever felt so overwhelmed by the chaos around me.
You see I had finally lived in a place where there were traffic rules that were bieng followed and there was a certain pleasure in driving because you were not worried about that one abomination that might curtail your life on the road.
You were one with your car and , for somebody who had been driving inline fours ,it was even more pleasurable with that glorious V6 under the hood pushing you through the air with panache and some insane velocities.
I had been in the Americas. North to be specific!
And after having “earned” my driving license ( Which is a story for another day!) I had finally “learnt” how to drive. What lane manners were, what a shoulder check was meant to be and what it meant when you saw a pedestrian crossing the road??
To someone who has been to India and more so who has driven in India these questions are the ones separating a driver from India and the one from the west.
Not for nothing are the Indian roads considered to be the world’s most dangerous roads.
Endless traffic jams, relentless honking, cuss words flying here and there, fist fights on even small insignificant things, cows sitting in the middle of the road that too on a flyover, religious/political processions throwing the cities out of rhythm.
The occasional VIP cavalcade causing the traffics to magnify, the usual ambulance stuck in traffic with no one letting it through, the cars trucks busses motorcycle cycle rickshaw and these days the e-rickshaws jostling for space and in the process leaving their paint and sometimes body parts on the other, pedestrian risking their lives by crossing roads with cars crawling and sometimes flying around them.
People try to save fuel by driving on the wrong side of the road to take that turn which otherwise would have made them drive another 200 meters extra( talk about thrifty habits), the endless queues at the filling stations where employees are tirelessly filling up gasoline into small piddly cars and two wheelers.
Then lest we forget the road has been encroached not just by the animals of religious significance but by other factors as well. The shops display their goods on the walkways thus leaving no space for the pedestrians who have no option but to walk on the roads. The constructions are so smartly done that at the end of it the whole building is a foot wider in all directions, the holy encroachment, and more often than not it is towards the roads.
That organized chaos is Indian traffic.
So as you may have thanked The Almighty by now , thanking Him that you are not driving in India or may be you are one of those adventurous types who would have it no other way than see it for yourself or maybe you have ,in your head , thought of ways to decongest the streets by maybe introducing flying cars in India……………………………….WHAT??!!!!!!!
Flying cars in India??
You must be crazy to even think about such thing as a flying car in India.
Not because India doesn’t have open skies, it does!
Its not because India doesn’t have people who can afford it, it does.
Its not that India is not modern enough to envision such a thing, it does.
Not because India doesn’t have the political will to do it, it does.
But then why-oh-why do I say that you must be crazy thinking about a flying car era in India???
That my friend opens a Pandora’s box.
Let me tell you why this idea of yours is definitely not doable in India.
You better take the heart medication that you are on!
You better do some meditation before you read it further as it might numb your brain.
You better sit down at a safe place lest you fall down shocked and amazed.
You better keep that wine glass on the table.
You my friend might have just started a World War III. Joking!
In a land where the chaos on the streets is practically an art form and “organized chaos” is a lifestyle, the idea of unleashing flying cars into the Indian skies might seem whimsically adventurous.
However, hold on to your aviator hat, because now we’ll explore why launching flying cars in India could turn its lively streets into an airborne calamity, leaving you to ponder:
Is the sky really the limit, or have we finally exceeded our collective good sense?
Here we go!
Rain of Unwanted Surprises
In India you will find cars sparklingly clean from the inside with idols of gods and goddesses adorning the dashboards and fragrances soothing the passengers. A reason for that is that most Indian drivers usually don’t let garbage sit in their cars.
They just empty it out on the road! While on the move!
You won’t be surprised to see a car driving ahead of you slightly open its window and slide a banana peel onto the road as you zip along at a 100kmph.
Habits seldom change and so something similar done while flying a car can only be imagined.
Or not!
It will be an airborne carnival of garbage.
You’re walking down the street, soaking in the sun, and suddenly, without warning, a barrage of discarded wrappers, banana peels, and mysterious bits of who-knows-what comes raining down from above. It’s like a confetti of chaos, but instead of celebrating, you find yourself questioning your life choices.
Picture this:
You’ve just stepped out for a leisurely stroll, and suddenly, you’re in the middle of a garbage-themed surprise party. It’s not just wrappers; it’s a wild assortment of items, each descending like a quirky gift from the skies. Feeling lucky? You might get a plastic bottle or maybe even an unexpected fruit peel to jazz up your day.
Still want the flying cars in India?
Wait. And oh, the sights! Witness as the skies transform into a chaotic canvas of airborne oddities. It’s like a bizarre parade, only instead of floats, you have flying cars unleashing an assortment of items that would make any circus clown proud.
So, the next time you daydream about flying cars in India , remember that the fantasy might come with an unexpected souvenir for people on land(and there are plenty!) – a direct hit from the garbage brigade above.
Who would need rainbows when you can have a shower of surprises from the sky?
The Great Pan Spit Elevation
Indians love their mouth-fresheners.
The most popular being The Pan.
And somebody who has driven on Indian roads or even walked besides them knows what I mean by the spitting culture on Indian roads.
The roadsides are painted red by the red pan-spit of the millions of people who drive/ride or walk on them.
You will hardly come across any structure man made or otherwise which has not been embellished by these human salivary art forms.
Prepare for a tale that elevates the infamous practice of this pan spitting to a whole new level.
Quite literally.
Picture this: you’re on the 10th floor, enjoying the view from your apartment, when suddenly, your window becomes the unsuspecting target of a peculiar form of aerial bombardment. It’s not raindrops you’re hearing; it’s the unmistakable sound of pan enthusiasts turning the skies into their very own spitball arena.
Once reserved for the ground-level adventurers, the audacious act of post-pan consumption spitting has now ascended to unprecedented heights. No floor is safe from the airborne salivary assault, as even the 50th-floor residents find themselves unwittingly participating in this surreal rain dance of betel nut residue.
Imagine trying to unwind in the comfort of your own home, only to be greeted by a splatter on your window pane that would make modern art blush. It’s not just about dodging spit on the streets anymore; it’s about safeguarding your sanctuary from a descending deluge of pan-flavored precipitation.
And here’s the kicker – forget about leaving your windows open to enjoy a breath of fresh air. The risk of an uninvited, gravity-defying load of spit entering your living room has turned every window into a potential entry point for this peculiar brand of precipitation.
Close the windows, lock the doors, because the skies above have become a spitfire zone.
So, the next time you gaze out from your lofty abode, remember that even the highest floor is not immune to the airborne antics of pan enthusiasts.
Airborne Altercations
I believe road rage must have been invented ……..or at least perfected by Indian drivers.
They have highly inflated and very fragile egos. They get offended very easily and anger is usually their first reaction when something untoward happens on the roads.
Considering the roads as their private property, they trudge around in their mechanized chariots and the more expensive the car they are riding the more pronounced the feeling becomes.
It is not an uncommon sight to see people arguing, fighting or even killing each other in a fit of road rage on Indian roads.
So when we think of flying cars in India we have to get ready for a turbulence of a different kind as we explore the phenomenon of “Air Rage” where the spirited macho spirit of Indian road rage takes to the skies.
Picture this: the air is filled with the roar of engines, and flying cars are jostling for airspace like territorial birds in mating season. Suddenly, two airborne vehicles collide, and what follows is not a civil exchange of information but a full-blown aerial altercation.
In the world of flying cars, the typical Indian road rage takes on a whole new dimension. No longer confined to heated arguments or occasional fisticuffs on the streets, our enthusiastic aviators engage in a war of words and, occasionally, airborne brawls.
It’s not just a fender-bender; it’s an aerial showdown, where the skies become a canvas for the art of vehicular vengeance.
The air is thick with tension and testosterone as our macho aviators exchange not-so-pleasantries in the realm where road rage meets air rage.
You might as well have a full-blown war in the air, with guns blazing!
And here’s the twist – instead of waiting for the authorities to sort things out, these high-flying warriors prefer settling their disputes mid-air, with words and their fists ,with the occasional gun fires adding a dramatic flair to the proceedings. It’s not about exchanging insurance information; it’s about asserting dominance in the wild blue yonder.
So, the next time you envision the freedom of flying cars especially in India , remember that with it comes a potential for airborne altercations, where the term “air rage” takes on a whole new meaning.
Airborne Nausea: The Unwanted Aerial Symphony
Well if you have been on Indian roads you have not been spared by the sight of people vomiting out of moving cars not only painting their own vehicles with their own gastric juices and its byproducts but also splattering pedestrians and other vehicles in its vicinity.
Now imagine this…….( Yup..yup….I am sure you got that picture in your head now… but for those unartistic minds who cannot paint the picture let us do it for you!)
Picture it: A motion-sick auntie, caught off guard by the twists and turns of the airborne journey, decides that the only logical response is to unleash the contents of her stomach into the great blue expanse. The once pristine air ( Not really…Indian pollution is world renowned) now carries the unexpected aroma of airborne emissions, transforming the whimsical journey into a slightly less enchanting experience.
As the airborne journey unfolds, the mere mortals on the ground now, must come to terms with the fact that the skies are now full of emetic-projectiles being attracted towards the land by the not-so-absent gravity , which can land anywhere and lend “taste of the skies” a new meaning.
So now the pedestrians need to carry an umbrella or better a vomit-shield to protect the sanctity of their bodies and their clothes.
The windows of all the buildings will have to be kept closed at all times unless you want to re-do the paint on your interiors.
Drunk Flying Disasters
Lawlessness is the law on Indian roads.
Drunk driving is style!
So when you even so as dream about a flying car in India you must be….inebriated!!!
No offense. Let me explain!
Imagine a scenario where an inebriated(No offence to you my dear reader!) pilot takes to the skies, weaving through the clouds in a state of tipsy turbulence. The once-clear flight path now resembles a drunken zigzag, putting not only the intoxicated aviator at risk but also those sharing the airspace.
The unthinkable happens—an airborne fender-bender with a commercial airplane. The collision not only endangers the lives of those in the flying cars but also sends shockwaves through the aviation world, raising questions about the practicality of sharing airspace with larger aircrafts.
The risk of misjudged altitudes , just like misjudged distances under the influence, becomes a nightmare when one of these airborne vehicles collides with a building on ….say the 20th floor. The once-safe haven for families now becomes an unexpected landing pad for a wayward flying car, testing the structural integrity of buildings and challenging the architects’ foresight.
So a flying car with an under the influence driver/pilot will be a ticking time bomb in Indian Traffic scenarios.
The Aerial Parking Rebellion
Go through any Indian newspaper and you are sure to come across a news piece where a seemingly-harmless altercation over a parking space ended in one of the person being shot dead.
Yes! Its such a big problem.
India being one of the biggest economies and the world’s biggest country, population wise, seems to be running out of land…Ahh….so that’s why you thought about flying cars, I See!!!
But more people , more cars, more houses, less land…….. You are sure to have some sparks fly when u put flammable particles that close.
Hell! Bollywood has movies made on this evil called Parking!
So, the parking woes should be over in India if flying cars do come…. Only in your dreams!
Long story short- It will be a wild world of parking pandemonium where the concept of “to hell with the world” takes flight.
Imagine this: the streets, once neatly lined with cars, now resemble a chaotic jigsaw puzzle of flying vehicles haphazardly parked on rooftops, balconies, and any available flat surface. The flying car revolution will have brought with it an era of parking anarchy.
With the newfound freedom of the skies, some adventurous aviators will adopt a carefree attitude toward parking etiquette.
The mantra will become, “My work is done; to hell with the world.”
No longer confined by earthly constraints like parking lots or designated spaces, flying car owners nonchalantly land their vehicles wherever their hearts desire, leaving chaos in their wake.
Picture this:
You’re climb up to your roof top for a quick smoke or just to soak in some sun and what do you see. There are 3-4 cars parked there consuming all the space. you wonder when and who parked these cars here. You call the residents of the building and no one sems to know whose cars are these.
And the audacity hasn’t stopped there. Flying car owners, having completed their airborne escapades now abandon their vehicles with a laissez-faire attitude, oblivious to the inconvenience they have caused to you. “Parking spot? Who needs one when you can park on top of someone else’s home?” seems to be the prevailing philosophy.
You curse the drivers and pray to God to take you back to the times when people were just blocking your entry gates with their cars and you at least had a roof to sit and relax. Well, now, even that’s not possible as the time machine hasn’t been invented , YET!
And oh dare you tell those mischiefs not to park atop your roof Because they may just shoot you in your already empty head!
This is an evolving article.
Please Share your views and I will try to twist a tale around it in the most fascinating way possible.
